Update?

So it's been forever since I've blogged. In fact, a friend just mentioned my blog, which motivated me to look at it, which motivated a blog post, so Red? This is all your fault.

2009 really did suck. It was just one bad thing after another, with a few little bright spots just to screw with my mind. I was so glad when I ushered in a new year. I'm 21 now, I've managed to figure myself out somewhat, and some awesome changes have been happening.

Like I changed schools! I left CBU mid-semester, which may or may not have been a terribly wise choice, but worked for me. I'm now at the Art Institute of California in San Bernardino, about to start working on a culinary degree! I'm hunting for a job, but that also seems to be going well, and life is just on an upswing, praise God!

I'm living off-campus. Have since this last summer. My roommates are pretty awesome, and I've got a room to myself again. I don't know. It just seems like things are set for a decent path. It's going to be a struggle, that's obvious. But it'll be a good one.

On Being a Whole Woman

Warning: Girl talk ahead.

Did that get your attention? Are any of you still with me? Well, it's ok if you aren't. What I want to talk about today is an odd little something that God's blessed me with in the last month. You see, when I was 16, I was told by a doctor that I'd probably find out that I was sterile when I tried to have kids. I wasn't ovulating at all, and it looked like I was just completely unable to do so.

It didn't bother me right away. A year or so passed by and I started growing up, thinking about what kind of life I wanted to lead and the things I wanted to do. I've always wanted to be a mother. I began to have these intensely vivid dreams about being married to a faceless man, in love, and heavily pregnant with his child. Those mornings, I wake up crying.

It ached to hold a child. While I was overseas last summer, we visited an orphanage. I lasted for a good period of time, but at one point, I just had to set the baby I was holding down and step into the hall. I cried for longer than I care to admit. I don't work with kids at church because it hurts in my heart to see their faces.

Recently, though, I had gotten to the point of trusting in God and realizing that no matter what, He'll provide for me. If that means He'd work Hannah's miracle in me, that would be amazing. If it meant He'd provide a way for adoption, I'd be blessed that way as well.

God works in funny ways. Just a few months after I came to peace with the concept of being sterile, I was diagnosed with a disorder called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I figured, great. This means that they have a name for why I can't have kids. Then one of the doctors I saw said the most beautiful thing. He said that women with PCOS respond really well to hormone and fertilization treatments. More than likely, when I'm ready for children, I'll be able to have as many fat babies as I want.

God is good. It's not a Hannah, but He still worked a miracle for me. I went home that afternoon and couldn't help but cry for joy. I no longer feel like I'm less of a woman. I feel like there's a plan for me that involves the children I so desire. And I can be content to wait until God shows me that faceless man in my dreams and gives him the face I know that I'll love.

Odd Dreams

I've been noticing a recurring theme in a lot of the most vivid dreams that I've been having over the last several months. In these dreams, I'm either pregnant or I have a baby either through my own pregnancy or some strange twist of fate. Once, it was because some guy held up the restaurant I was at and when I talked him out of killing us all, he gave me his infant son to raise before letting us go and killing himself.

I know, disturbing dream.

The reason I blog about this is because last night, I was visited by yet another baby dream. I was in some sort of fantasy world in which I was attending school for... something. I simply remember that I wore a uniform and that I was only really happy when I was singing. Along comes this guy. He's sweet and slightly awkward, and through some odd happenstance, I had apparently gotten formally engaged to this guy and somehow pregnant because of him. I was upset and angry with him, because I felt like I had no choice in all of this. Still, through the dream, I kept my "situation" from him and started falling for him. When it came out that I was with child, he suddenly pulled this really cool move where he turned into a freaking panther and stole me away to his family's home. Turns out he's a prince or some such, and had magic.

I spent the rest of my dream simply spending time with him and getting bigger and bigger. I woke up well before I was due, but you know what? I really wanted to get back to that dream. Stupid biological clock. Stupid hormones. I guess I'm at the age of wanting a baby and it's permeating into my subconscious.

...I hope that there's not a guy out there who's thinking of dating me that reads my blog, because I just scared him away. Ah, well. I know that it's unreasonable to have a baby now. I mean, I'm in the middle of school and don't have a husband nor a "real job". Still. I really wish that I could have my own family soon. It's been strange, hanging around mostly couples. It really makes me feel... alone.

Lombok Website Review

So, I received an email the other day, asking me to take a look at a website. It's not the first time that's happened, but it's the first time that I've actually wanted to use the items that were available for sale. At the Lombok website (http://www.lombokco.uk) they sell a plethora of home furnishings that are inspired by Eastern cultures. Some examples of these are the log basket, the lamp shades, and the laundry baskets.

I found myself getting creative as I looked at these. For example, the log baskets aren't something that a college student like me would need. After all, I don't have a fireplace nor do I have logs which need a basket. However, it's subtle color and practical design made me think of ways to use it, like as the centerpiece for a table or as a catch-all basket under my desk.

Now, a word to all of my friends in the United States who read this. It is a company in the United Kingdom and it does deal in Euros. So when you look at the prices, you have to remember that there's going to be about a 75% increase in the price when you convert it to US dollars. However, the selection is huge and if you order with this company, it's very likely that you will be the only one in your area with this type of product.

I do have a few favorites within the site. I've absolutely fallen in love with the candles that they have to offer. They're very solid and the designs are so unique! I always hate dealing with candles that make me feel like I'd break them if I held them the wrong way.

I also love love love the decorative section. Now, I'm all for decorative without a use, but 90% of what they offer can be used for things other than "Look at me, I'm pretty!" My favorite item in this section, by far, is the etched boxes.

Finally, the thing that really makes this website stand out by far is the ability to zoom in on a picture just by placing your cursor over the picture. This allows you to gain a better grasp of the details of the piece and know just what you're requesting.

The only real drawback that I see in this site is that it doesn't list how much international shipping is nor does it give you a place to convert Euros into dollars to know how much you'd have to pay. One has to call their office to find out how much international shipping is.

Overall, this bunny gives it four out of five carrots. Good going, Lombok! You've got an amazing site with wonderful products.

A pink bubble wish that came true

Just an hour and a half after I made my wish, I got a knock at the door. Oh, I totally had the moment of looking at it, wide eyed and thinking, "Holy crap, did it come true?" In a way, it was better. Two friends of mine, Autumn and David, were stopping off to say hey and that Autumn was heading home for the weekend. Then David hands me a rose and a bag from himself and his wife, Erica, and says happy Valentine's day.

Sometimes, friends who love you like family are better than any boy. Now I have two roses (One from my RA) and some chocolates. My daddy used to always get me something for Valentine's day, and this more than makes up for that.

Pink bubble wishes

So I just recently came to terms with the idea of a shorter blog post. I think this is going to be one of those.

I realized just a second ago that if I could be given a perfect moment, I know exactly what I would want. I'd want to hear a knock at the door and open it to find my crush standing there, maybe with a flower or something, and invite me to dinner or to spend time with him tomorrow. I think right now, right at this state, that would be my perfect moment.

Guest Star- The Duck

I was featured recently in a friend's blog, and it looks to be that this Duck, as I am so affectionately dubbed, will be cropping up there from time to time with the Duck News. I seem to find myself with a plethora of animal-centric nicknames. Bunny, Duck... One more and I'm a trifecta of mammals.

Anyways, go take a look at my dear buddy Daft over at Not The Way It Happened... and say that the Duck sent you.

As a side note, I just realized that the content of my blog probably makes some of you wonder if I suffer from multiple personality disorder. Don't worry, folks, it isn't true.

I enjoy every moment of it.